if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
