how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
