I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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