My balls are so social today.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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