i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
