We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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