I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
