goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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