Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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