i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
