Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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