I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
