cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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