I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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