I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
