My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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