is your mom at the bar?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
