I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
