Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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