Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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