my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
