Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So squirting runs in the family.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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