I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
