Pants 0. Shit 1.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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