all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
