so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.