So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE