it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
