When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.