Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos