Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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