belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain