I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
