Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
