i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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