I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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