I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize