I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
