so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
