god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
