In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
