I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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