I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
