Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
