Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
