I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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