You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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