He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
