You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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