I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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