meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
