I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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