The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
