You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
