Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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