Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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