No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
