I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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