I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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