I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
