i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
