He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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