Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
