If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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