She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
