i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
