she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
