I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
BRING THE BAGELS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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