Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
