Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
