it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
