Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
