You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
