so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
