You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
